How to Manage the Holidays as a Single Parent

Holidays are especially difficult for single parents. You may wonder how you're going to manage to keep your kids happy, see your relatives and deal with your own emotions without becoming a grinch. Take a few deep breaths and follow some of these suggestions to make the holidays an enjoyable time.

• Accept that the holidays are going to be difficult. Be prepared to deal with your child's and your own feelings of loss, anger, sadness, disappointment and guilt.
• Make sure you can cope with the visitation schedule you've arranged for the holidays. If your child won't be seeing the other parent, be sure you discuss this with him or her and deal with any feelings that this causes.
• Talk to your child about the holidays. Explain how things will work and answer any questions he or she may have.
• Don't have high expectations if your child is going to be with you. Know that it cannot be a perfect storybook holiday and that there is nothing you can do to change that. Your child will miss the other parent. Focus on enjoying the time you spend with your child.
• Avoid imposing guilt on your child. If you won't be together on the actual holiday itself, don't tell your child how sad, depressed and miserable you are. It's fine to say that you'll miss him or her, but try to focus on making your child feel happy and excited about what is planned. Emphasize that you'll celebrate another day.
• Don't overplan. If your child will be with you, don't plan too many activities. If he or she doesn't get to see Great Aunt Sally on this holiday, there's always the next one.
• Keep yourself busy. If your child is not going to be with you, find things to do so that you don't mope.
• Arrange for phone contact. Children should be able to call or talk to the parent they aren't with each holiday. This helps them feel connected to both parents. If there cannot be any contact, allow your child to think and talk about the other parent.
• Create new traditions. Things can never be the same as they were when you and your ex lived together. Don't try to re-create holidays past. Move forward, incorporating some things from the past while finding new things you can call your own.
• Pamper yourself. You deserve to be loved and rewarded. Buy yourself some gifts and wrap them for yourself to open on Christmas. Do things that make you feel good. See friends, go to the movies, and cry if you need to.
• Banish guilt. You do the best that you can to get through life as a single parent, and the holidays are no exception. Focus on the joy in your life and the pleasures of being a parent during the holidays.